Shawshank Redemption 2: Taliban Nights
Over the past few weeks the Obama administration have been touting the improved security and stability of the Afghan government as they prepare to pull troops out of the country. Late last night, in what can only be described as outrageously discouraging news, the Taliban tunneled into a southern Afghani prison and freed 480 prisoners without a single bullet being fired.
It is reported that the escape was finished by 3AM and no one even noticed something was wrong until around 6AM. It sounds a lot like like the worst magic trick ever performed, ‘The magician put a sheet over the cell block and said, ‘Now close your eyes for around six hours.’ When I opened them all the prisoners were replaced by a single middle aged woman in a golden bikini.’All of the 480 prisoners escaped through a single narrow tunnel, which as far as prison escapes go, is one of the oldest tricks in the book. It’s almost as if the Taliban got their escape plan directly from the plot of Shawshank Redemption. Except in the Shawshank Redemption escaping from prison was hard.
The entire prison only holds 1,200 inmates. Meaning 40% of the prisoners escaped. That seems like a pretty poor retention rate. That would be like if someone was in charge of watching the United States and then lost everyone in California, Texas, New York, Florida, Illinois and Pennsylvania combined.
The prison in question had already undergone security enhancements after it was attacked by the Taliban two years ago resulting in the escape of 900 inmates. So in one massively disappointing way this was an improvement. It’s almost as if the Afghani prison guards have an ongoing bet with the Libyan rebels to see who can be worse at gaining their own independence.
In a demonstration of just how easy the escape was statements from the Taliban report that there were suicide bombers standing by but the resistance was so minimal they didn’t use them. That’s pretty impressive. To a Taliban militant, suicide bombing is like a large serving at Cold Stone creamery, ‘They just gotta have it.’ Suicide bombers attack innocent, unarmed civilians. You have to seem pretty pathetic for a jihadist suicide bomber to go, ‘I think we’ve taken this far enough. We’ve made our point. Lets disarm these explosives strapped to our chests and go home.’
To add insult to injury, after the escape, prisoners called the press to brag. They seemed in pretty high spirits, one of the saying, ‘After a brief rest, we will begin plotting our revenge.’ Of course that brief rest is reserved so the prisoners can watch the upcoming royal wedding. It is by now a documented fact that Talibani militants are huge Kate Middleton fans.
