Pakistan: We’re Still Deciding Between Evil and Stupid

Written by  Makhdoom Raza Ghurki, Pakistani Government Official

Since the death of Osama Bin Laden many have been questioning where Pakistan’s loyalty lies on the whole Al-Qaeda/terrorism issue. In a recent interview on the subject CIA Director Leon Panetta said, “Pakistan was involved or incompetent.” So which is it? Do we support the terrorists or are we just stupid? Well, I’m here to officially declare: We haven’t decided which answer will get us more money from the American government.

Please try to see this from our perspective. If we declare that we are evil and supported Osama you might stop giving us $3 billion a year in aid; as that would be giving money to the enemy.  If we admit that we were stupid and incompetent you might stop giving us $3 billion a year in aid; as that would be wasting your money on an idiot.

But America has a history of giving money to both its enemies and idiots. So it’s a tough decision! On the one hand you gave money to North Korea and Iran who were both in your Axis of Evil several years back, on the other hand you gave money to Libya which was clearly run by an idiot.

So which do you want us to be America!? Do you want us to be your enemy or be stupid!? Right now we feel like your girlfriend who dressed up in a kitty costume to spice things up in the bedroom only for you to say, ‘Yes, I wanted to have sex with a kitty-woman last week, but now I really want to have sex with a French nurse.’

This is why our Prime Minister keeps giving you mixed signals. On the one hand he declared the death of Osama as ‘justice done’. On the other hand he said that the attack was a ‘breach of our sovereignty’ and if you did it again ‘you’d be met with full force.’ This is why he blamed the US for creating Al Qaeda in Afghanistan  while simultaneously saying the US is a close friend and ally.

He doesn’t know what you want. We don’t know what you want. We just want to do what’s right to keep getting your money. If you’d like to be surrounded by idiots that take your money as opposed to enemies that take your money, please let us know. We’ll be whoever you want us to be!

Now do you understand our dilemma?

Please don’t take our indecision personally. We have hated and always will hate you, America. This is demonstrated by the Pakistani people burning American flags and Barack Obama pictures in the streets. This is strictly a money issue. We want your money. It does not change any feelings between us, I promise.