Oil Companies: We Need Money More Than You Do
Written by Oscar Blunt, Texas Oil Tycoon
In yet another example of government taking advantage of the oppressed minority that is rich billionaires, the Socialist bastards in Congress are trying to take away tax breaks for oil companies. These un-American Communists are trying to discriminate against us by no longer discriminating for us and I won’t stand for it!
We need those tax breaks ya damn hippies! Yes, we’re set to make record profits this year and yes gas prices are higher than ever before but, we really need some sympathy from y’all. I’ve got five houses in three different countries. Y’know how much money that costs to maintain? Of course you don’t because most people don’t even have one house. Well somehow I’ve got to pay for it, and the only way that’s possible is by paying less taxes fer no reason.
Now look here, I understand yer tryin’ to cut the deficit to save America’s future blah blah blah. But there are better ways to save money than takin’ it from a downtrodden minority like billionaire oil tycoons. I recommend followin’ the advice of House Republicans and cut spending on Medicare for seniors. I mean, they don’t have any oil at all! Why are we helping people that don’t have oil!? I thought this was America! If you ask me, they’re better off dead and buried. Then one day they’ll become oil and at least they’ll be worth somethin’. -spit-
Don’t you think we deserve some sort of incentive to destroy the environment in order to make billions of dollars a year? Without some sort of special incentive directed towards us I don’t think anyone will want to make 35 billion dollars in an industry that hasn’t shown a decline in profits in decades.
So have fun without us hippies. Enjoy your clean air and solar powered cars while you hold hands with a polar bear at Burning Man. Don’t come crawling back to us when yer damn windmills don’t have enough power to run your bong machines. By then, we’ll be in the mountains reading Atlas Shrugged.
