David Tyree Hates Gay People And So Should You!
Written by Robert Carter, National Organization for Marriage
As many of you already know New York State is notoriously close to passing a bill that will legalize gay marriage. In protest the National Organization for Marriage has sought out celebrities to speak in defiance of this debauchery. Being that we could not find any celebrities we settled with interviewing David Tyree, fourth string wide receiver for the New York Giants who’s entire career would be irrelevant if not for one catch made during Super Bowl XLII.
In the interview Tyree, star of the NFL for 13 seconds, said, ‘It’s not justifiable for a long-standing institution to be altered for a minority.’ This country has a tarnished past of allowing minorities to unjustifiably alter long-standing institutions. Chief amongst those were slavery, segregation, and suffrage. As a black man, David Tyree ought to know firsthand what horrific externalities come from allowing minorities to decide how they should and should not be oppressed. This country was founded on the belief that the white majority should decide what is best and everyone else will just have to deal with it.
Tyree, who accidentally caught a football by having it hit him in the face, also warned the bill’s passage would “be the beginning of our country sliding toward … anarchy.” That’s right. If gays can get married then people like me will lose…our…minds. I mean, if my government is not oppressing minorities that I hate, then I don’t want a government at all. What’s the point of paying taxes if that money won’t go directly towards senselessly ruining the lives of people different than me?
David Tyree, nothing more than an answer to a trivia question, also rightfully declared that if you redefine marriage, ‘it changes the perception of what is good, what is right, what is just.” We’re moving closer and closer to a world where giving everyone despite race, creed, gender or sexual orientation equal rights is good and just. That is not good! I want true justice! I want justice that treats certain groups unfairly because they’re gross. If we start treating gays as equals then what’s next? Will we start treating Muslims as equals too!?
David Tyree, former drug-user, argues, ‘Marriage is the only relationship that actually mirrors the relationship with God.” We cannot alter that relationship. That is why I support ‘true Godly marriage’, which is a marriage where you rape a girl while she’s sleeping and tell her she’s having a ‘ghost baby.’
I implore you. Listen to our nation’s role models like David Tyree, that curler who didn’t medal in the 2006 Winter Olympics, and Rick Santorum. Do not allow gays to marry. It will be the end of America.
