Top 10 Best (Worst) Names in Congress

December 14, 2011

Top 10 Best (Worst) Names in Congress

This is a call to action. By now most of the country realizes that the system is broken. The entire electorate is a farce yet much of our Congress continues to be filled with people who have serious sounding names like Scott P. Brown and Carl Levin. What many don’t realize is that our Congress has a small but powerful minority of comically named politicians that make names like Barack Obama and Newt Gingrich seem normal.

The goal is to make that minority a majority. We need to fill our Congress with 535 people who’s names reflect how ridiculous this travesty that we call a government is. Maybe these ineffectual officials can’t exact meaningful change in our society but at least they can provide us with quiet chuckles every time they’re mentioned on the news or every time someone posts a campaign sign on their lawn that says ‘Vote for Boehner.’

The next time you’re asked to perform your civic duty at the polls mark the ballot down in favor of these individuals. If each citizen does their part we can realize our dream of quietly laughing at the name of every single member of Congress.

Here is the ranking for Top 10 most ridiculous names in the current (112th) United States House of Representatives along with my proposed campaign slogan:

1. John Boehner (R-OH) - ‘Alright. I get it.’
2. Joe Heck (R-NV) - ‘Slightly more moderate than Joe Hell’
3. Virginia Foxx (R-NC) - ‘Smaller cousin of Virginia Woolf’
4. Chaka Fattah (D-PA) - ‘Here’s how you say it: Shock-a Fuh-taa’
5. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) - ‘I never show up to meetings!’
6. Jerry Lewis (R-CA) - ‘Those telethons really gave me an advantage’
7. G.K. Butterfield (D-NC) - ‘I look as fat as you think I look’
8. Bob Goodlatte (R-VA) - ‘Because we couldn’t convince Bob Greatlatte to run’
9. Dutch Ruppersberger (D-MD) - ‘An All-American Ruppersberger’
10. Rodney Frelinghuysen (R-NJ) - ‘Good thing I’m not a write-in’

Here is the ranking for Top 10 most ridiculous names in the current (112th) United States Senate along with my proposed campaign slogan:

1. Mike Crapo (R-ID) - ‘Spanish for Crappy Mike’
2. Daniel Akaka (D-HI) - ‘These bills are Akaka. A-k-a-k-a’
3. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) - ‘The most ironic name in the world’
4. John Boozman (R-AR) - ‘I would prefer to remain anonymous’
5. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) - ‘Named after my parent’s third and fourth butler’
6. Bob Corker (R-TN) - ‘Corker? I hardly know her!’
7. Daniel Coats (R-IN) - ‘I’m in the closet! Wait…I’m against gay marriage! (Fact)’
8. Christopher Coons (D-DE) - ‘The whitest man in America’
9. Roy Blunt (R-OK) - ‘Against legalizing marijuana (Fact)’
10. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) - ‘Answering the question, when will we stab?’