Murray’s Cheeses: The Campaign for a More Accessible Cheese Shop

If anyone’s seen me at an open mic recently they already know that I had some beef with Murray’s cheeses. (What a line!) Here’s a very brief audio version of my complaint. (WARNING: The recording is loud, please lower your speakers)

Did you listen? 8PM!!! That’s way too early for a cheese shop to close. So I wrote Murray’s Cheeses a letter. And here it is:

Dear Murray’s Cheeses,

Let me begin by saying I am a huge fan of Murray’s Cheeses. It reminds me of the old country. Back to a time when you could walk down the streets and get more than just spicy ethnic foods. Not that I have anything against ethnic foods or people. Don’t you know that I’m the type of guy that loves all ethnicities? I wouldn’t say anything bad about anyone? Just the food!!! It’s gross. Nothing to do with the people.

But Murray’s Cheeses is right down my alley. I have one problem…and that’s I can’t get enough of your cheeses!!! Ha! Well I can get enough…that was a joke! Too much cheese could be bad for your health even if you love it much more than Thai food! But girls want to go to get Thai food all the time, y’know? Not that this is what I’m writing about! I just wanted you to know that I love your cheeses but I have a problem? It’s a problem that I think you should address? Especially since I am a person that loves Murray’s cheeses? And that ethnic food is more popular than ever?

My problem is Murray’s Cheese closes at 8PM! What kind of time is that for a cheese shop to close! Sometimes I don’t get off work until 7PM and then I don’t have enough time to get any of Murray’s Cheeses! Am I supposed to wake up an hour early for work just to get Murray’s Cheeses? That would mean waking up at 6AM! It’s not even light out at that time! My life would really take a big hit in the sleep department! Although it would be worth it because I love Murray’s Cheeses that much and I really don’t like Italian Tomato food!!!

Murray’s Cheeses should be open until 2AM. That is the perfect time to close. No one wants cheeses after 2AM! Or maybe they do? Maybe that’s a market that you have overlooked? Often in movies a midnight snack involves cheeses?

I would like to be able to go to Murray’s cheeses after I get off work so I can enjoy Havarti cheeses without having to wake up with the raccoons! Ha! That was another joke? I like to make jokes so you know I still will shop at Murray’s cheeses no matter when you close? This isn’t supposed to be a letter where I’m complaining? Only making a suggestion?

Thank you for taking the time to read my request. I appreciate your existence in the world!

Sincerely,
Brian

This letter was sent on Saturday afternoon. Still no response! I will let you know when I hear from Murray’s Cheeses.